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Friday Fictioneers: DEVIL OF A LUCK (Revised)

 Please let me know what you think.

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sandra-crook

DEVIL OF A LUCK… A Drabble

I have changed my short version.  After good advice from my friends, I decided to learn more about the writing process, and try to make my drabble better.  

The Devil rode into town one day and the sawmill closed.

Amy’s husband, always monitoring his police scanner, heard that Earl “I-drive-better-when-I’m-drunk” Hollister drove from Herb’s Tavern into a tree and now jail.

Destitute, no job, and no money for gas, Ken walked in a blinding snowstorm fifteen miles to the new super plant to claim Earl’s job.

Out on bail, Earl surveyed the damage to himself and his car, declared both fit to go to work. Hard to see, with the rain and spiderweb of a windshield, but he definitely felt the thud as he sped along the road.

 Original short FF version:

The Devil rode into town one day and the sawmill closed.

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Friday Fictioneers: DEVIL OF A LUCK (Revised)

sandra-crook

DEVIL OF A LUCK… A Drabble

I have changed my short version.  After good advice from my friends, I decided to learn more about the writing process, and try to make my drabble better.  

The Devil rode into town one day and the sawmill closed.

Amy’s husband, always monitoring his police scanner, heard that Earl “I-drive-better-when-I’m-drunk” Hollister drove from Herb’s Tavern into a tree and now jail.

Destitute, no job, and no money for gas, Ken walked in a blinding snowstorm fifteen miles to the new super plant to claim Earl’s job.

Out on bail, Earl surveyed the damage to himself and his car, declared both fit to go to work. Hard to see, with the rain and spiderweb of a windshield, but he definitely felt the thud as he sped along the road.

 Original short FF version:

The Devil rode into town one day and the sawmill closed.

Amy’s sister’s husband, always monitoring his police scanner, hears that Earl “I drive better when I’m drunk” Hollister has driven from Herb’s Tavern into jail.

Destitute, no money for gas, Ken is braving the blinding snowstorm fifteen miles to the new super plant to claim Earl’s job.

Earl surveys the damage to himself and his car, and declares both fit. Hard to see, with the rain and spiderweb of a windshield, but he definitely felt the thud as he sped along the road.

Devil of a luck for Ken.

♆ ♆ ♆ ♆ ♆ ♆

The second I saw the photo Sandra Crook gave Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (or maybe she swiped it, she does that) to use for the Friday Fictioneers prompt, I knew the first line of my story.  The only problem, as I got going… it got too long,  and ended up 333 words… I didn’t want to change it… perfect for the Trifecta Writing Challenge I thought.  So taking a page from my pal Jennifer at elmowrites I decided to edit my Trifecta story to fit the 100 word limit for Friday Fictioneers (that us purists use), and show both versions.  Find the Fictioneers’ stories here…

Here is my original Trifecta story… 

The Devil rode into town one day and the sawmill closed. All bought up; all the little operations in all the little towns… now left destitute in his wake. And that’s why Ken is braving the Frazer Valley wind, howling down from Alaska and piercing his threadbare coat like the teeth of a wolf doing the howling. An alchemy of chance changed his luck when Amy’s sister’s husband, always monitoring his police scanner, heard that Earl “I drive better when I’m drunk” Hollister had driven his Dodge Charger straight from Herb’s Tavern into rearranging the best seller display inside the Serendipity.

Ken was trudging his way ten miles to the new super plant through rain that was falling sideways and hitting him like a hail of rubber bullets. No money for gas left him on foot, and he was determined to be there when the shift changed, as they would be needing a man to operate the roof truss cutter. Getting any job there required that someone get dead, hurt, or go to jail. Earl had accomplished two out of three, by not buckling up and paying a late night visit to Carol’s bookstore with no intention of reading. Ken intended to have Earl’s job.

Being a former high school football star helped when it came to getting a ‘out of jail free card’. Earl surveyed the damage to himself and his car, and declared both fit to go to work. The Teriyaki Stick and a bottle of ’5-Hour Energy’ from Lucky Market got his juices flowing and he hit the road. It was hard to see, with the rain and spiderweb of a windshield, but he definitely felt the thud as he sped along the road. ‘What’s one more dent,’ he thought, ‘it’s going in the shop anyway’.

Flung into the bushes by the impact, Ken wondered at his supposed good luck. ‘Only one orange car like that around, guess I won’t be getting Earl’s job after all’.  The Devil brought hypothermia.

*********************

Constructive Criticism always welcome…

Trifecta Writing Challenge #72: DEVIL OF A LUCK

IMG_8642

DEVIL OF A LUCK… A 333 Word Story

The Devil rode into town one day and the sawmill closed. All bought up; all the little operations in all the little towns… now left destitute in his wake. And that’s why Ken is braving the Frazer Valley wind, howling down from Alaska and piercing his threadbare coat like the teeth of a wolf doing the howling. An alchemy of chance changed his luck when Amy’s sister’s husband, always monitoring his police scanner, heard that Earl “I drive better when I’m drunk” Hollister had driven his Dodge Charger straight from Herb’s Tavern into rearranging the best seller display inside the Serendipity.

Ken was trudging his way ten miles to the new super plant through rain that was falling sideways and hitting him like a hail of rubber bullets. No money for gas left him on foot, and he was determined to be there when the shift changed, as they would be needing a man to operate the roof truss cutter. Getting any job there required that someone get dead, hurt, or go to jail. Earl had accomplished two out of three, by not buckling up and paying a late night visit to Carol’s bookstore with no intention of reading. Ken intended to have Earl’s job.

Being a former high school football star helped when it came to getting a ‘out of jail free card’. Earl surveyed the damage to himself and his car, and declared both fit to go to work. The Teriyaki Stick and a bottle of ‘5-Hour Energy’ from Lucky Market got his juices flowing and he hit the road. It was hard to see, with the rain and spiderweb of a windshield, but he definitely felt the thud as he sped along the road. ‘What’s one more dent,’ he thought, ‘it’s going in the shop anyway’.

Flung into the bushes by the impact, Ken wondered at his supposed good luck. ‘Only one orange car like that around, guess I won’t be getting Earl’s job after all’.  The Devil brought hypothermia.

*******************

The Trifecta Writing Challenge has issued ALCHEMY (noun) as this week’s prompt… as always, 33 – 333 words based on the third definition…  an inexplicable or mysterious transmuting

Click on the Trike for instructions on  how to play… and to read some great stories.
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