THOR’S WORLD TOUR… The Departure
Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest… The Departure
I must be off to a place called The Emerald City on the morrow. I have heard there are Witches there, both good and bad. The good ones are hot, I was informed, so if I hath to meet a Witch, I hope she is a good one. Oh… what if I am being sent to a Witch… a bad one? Would the writer with the lilac hair be so cruel? Oh, yes… I said “Lilac”. My host has something they call ‘photographic evidence’ and showed me this…
Seeing her visage brings back the memories of a night long ago when this world tour thing started. Here I was, having fun playing with her son and daughter, waiting for my next chance to save the human’s world, and one night she takes me to a den of iniquity filled with lusty maidens of exotic scents. My excitement soon turned to fear as a furious squealing and shrieking ensued with such frantic pawing of my person. Each one had to have her turn twisting and turning my body and looking under my cape. Telling them I was the God of Thunder only made it worse. What I couldn’t figure out, was that they were all calling me Chris! I soon learned that I would be forced to visit each one of them, and they are all writers! And, that was only the start. I still carry a portrait in my cape of that fateful night…
I was given this as a memento when I visited my bosom buddy and her little white dog, in someplace called Colorado. That is her on thy right… one guess who is on thy left. It is nice to be loved, but this whole Chris thing has me perplexed. So that is how this whole affair started. My host is preparing another coffin, he calls it a shipping container, for the morrow. But first I plan to be checking on a curious sight I saw in the village. I passed a garish building with a poster of a flying man in a red cape like mine…
I enter the building behind some small humans and my senses are immediately assaulted with the heady scent of butter. I am curious to see if he is one of the Avengers. I have not heard of him, but he is quite handsome and I wonder if the female writers will be sending him on a tour. It is quite dark inside, filled with little humans making awful chewing and smacking sounds. The wall soon bursts with light and comes alive. I am not sure what is happening, but it is loud and exciting. The man in the red cape soon appears and I realize how comic his appearance, and what an impostor he proves to be, Man of Steel indeed. He is a Fairy Tale… A Fraud! I stand and cry “I Am The God Of Thunder… Bow Down Before Me!!!” I am quickly shushed and ushered outside.
So it is with heavy heart that I must take my leave from this perplexing island. My stay has been enjoyable, and I am curious to see the color of the nail polish on the fingers that next open my ‘shipping container’. My only hope is that she has a girl-child with friends. Or maybe it will be Witch or a Wizard instead and I must wield the mighty Mjollnir! I am The God of Thunder and the God of Earth!!!
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Editor’s note: From the Sheriff’s Log in the ‘Journal of the San Juans’…6/23 ~ Deputies across San Juan Island have been on alert for a small man, dressed in an eccentric costume, creating a public nuisance and harassing citizens. He suddenly appears and forces them to bow down before him. He has some type of weapon described as resembling a mallet. He has also been sighted on Orcas Island previously. It is known that he has been evicted from Herb’s Tavern, The Palace Theater, McMillan’s Dinning Room and The Hungry Clam. The Washington State Ferry System and the Coast Guard have been put on alert, and automobiles leaving the island will be searched. He will be apprehended.
June 24, 2013 ~ In recognizing his efforts in saving the world, a grateful nation arranges for an agency of the federal government to transport Thor off the Island.
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Previously… The Mausoleum (Part 5)
Previously… Paradise Found (Part 4)
Previously… Day Trip to the Magic Island (Part 3)
Previously… Adjusting to New Surroundings (pt. 2)
Previously… The Arrival (pt. 1)
To learn more about Thor’s World Tour, and see where he’s been… THE GOD OF THUNDER IS TOURING THE WORLD
My thanks to Susie Lindau for use of her photo (of course she does not know it yet) see… Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride
THOR’S WORLD TOUR… The Mausoleum
Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest… The Mausoleum
I awake early anticipation engulfing my body, starting with a tingle and erupting into The God of Thunder!!! Today, I shall have answers! I quickly dress and, borrowing the Barbie’s automobile, proceed toward Roche Harbor Road and the Land of Afterglow, where dwells something called The Mausoleum. I am hopeful the link to Asgard is awaiting me. The Barbie auto sputters to a stop. I have heard they are a thoughtless lot, and have no doubt neglected to supply needed fuel. I espy a horse in a nearby field and give careful examination.
Cursed animal… doth sleepy or bored! Even my Mighty Hammer fails to impress. Besides, what good is a horse without wings? I hasten to the village on foot, wanting to conserve my strength, as I have been quite active of late. I hearest tell of a hearty animal, by some mortals swilling their infernal coffee, who will be willing to take me to this Afterglow. Only, it is guarded by a fierce ogre. “Fierce Ogres are my speciality, as I am The God of Thunder and The God of Earth!“, I shout. They say, “Okay, he’s over there.” We meet and I immediately tell him to “Bow Down Before Me!!!” The odious sloth defers and I swing into action with The Mighty Hammer. (See, I am learning of this thing called puns)
“Appease me Sir… Victory will be mine!” He is no Hrungnir, and I vanquish this foe with but one swing of mighty Mjollnir. He begs me take my leave. I shout “Fare thee well!’, not wishing to apearest rude, as I mount his trusty steed and head to the Hills of Afterglow.
The journey is long, but soon we draw near to the forest of this Afterglow I have sought. A Sign! “The Mausoleum Straight Ahead ➪” I take this as a good omen. Worthless animal trembles with fear and will go no farther. I dismount and it promptly falls asleep. ‘What is it with the animals on this strange island’, I wonder. I plunged into the woods and follow a time-worn path. I soon come upon an ancient cemetery.
There is a stillness in the air as I gaze upon the funerary monuments before me. The dead are enclosed in familial plots, of varying degrees of wealth it seems. I had heard the common folk had been buried in the forest on the way to the tomb of the mighty. I decide, as The God of Earth, I must spend some time with these departed souls. I wander the woods and pause to visit in respect.
I find Agnes and Mamie… they died young. I think I would have liked to have played with them, because I have met many mini maidens who believed in The God of Thunder and introduced him to many wonders.
I encounter all manner of enclosures, some well-tended, some seemingly forgotten. Amidst weeds I come across the statue of a fawn. A tear comes to my eye, as this signifies the resting place of another young one. I cannot make out the name on the weathered stone. Better luck with Kendo, he was an elder and only departed recently.
I take my leave and continue the path, climbing higher and higher through the forest. I come upon a clearing, and in the distance I find… Afterglow Vista and The Mausoleum… that which I seek!
Light filters through the branches of trees to deposit a gentle glow inside the monument. I ascend the weathered stones to reach the summit and behold with awe the greatness of The Mausoleum!
Mere words cannot describe my happiness. My chance to commune with my elders and gain knowledge of my fate at last
I take my place at the Round Table, paying respect to the chairs and those they serve. I fall into a deep meditation and awake refreshed. I have had a vision.
One last look and I take my leave of The Mausoleum. I have learned that I must bid my host and my new friend Ula farewell and depart soon for a place called The Emerald City.
To be continued…
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Previously… Paradise Found (Part 4)
Previously… Day Trip to the Magic Island (Part 3)
Previously… Adjusting to New Surroundings (pt. 2)
Previously… The Arrival (pt. 1)
To learn more about Thor’s World Tour, and see where he’s been… THE GOD OF THUNDER IS TOURING THE WORLD
THOR’S WORLD TOUR… Paradise Found!
Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest…. Paradise found!
After being moved about and held captive with many poor souls, I remind the evil Tie-Dyed Witches that I am The God of Thunder! Promising the Pooh family I won’t forget them I wield the Mighty Hammer and break free!
I head to the boat for a return to seek out this ‘Mausoleum’ I have heard tell about. My host, not wishing to pay the exorbitant ferry rate for ‘Gods’ decides to smuggle me aboard… Oh The Indignity!!!
Once on ship, I go in search of food and drink, as my energy level has been depleted in my struggle with the evil witches. I find the perfect thing and enter the Monster Hall… It is quite cold.
A quick blow of The Mighty Hammer releases a putrid spray of a sticky foam, completely engulfing the air-conditioned chamber. I find myself quickly evicted from the cafeteria. A kindly family takes pity on my circumstances, bathes me and gives me sustenance. After chatting, the man-boy tells me of a cousin who may be able to help me in ‘the ladies department’. He tells me to find the Land of Argyle and ask for Ula. They warn me not to wake the Sleeping Lion as I leave the table… I step very carefully.
He shares something he calls ‘his tunes’ with me… I do not know what to think, but try to stay polite.
My host treats me to something called ‘Ice Cream Cone’, and promises me we will go to the Land of Afterglow, where dwells ‘The Mausoleum”, on the morrow.
He tells me he knows Argyle well and of this cousin I seek.
Eureka… Praise the Gods… Valhalla found!
My new friend Ula has Barbies in Abundance. A pink haired beauty invites me for a drive in her automobile, which I quickly accept, hoping she knows Debra, my Pink Haired Mistress.
We are soon beset upon by a fearsome beast! I confront the evil monster and announce that I am the God of Thunder! Methinks the beast is not impressed and I am forced I do battle with my Mighty Hammer when the varmint attacks…
Instead of my saving the Pink Haired Maiden, the giantess Ula, upon hearing the commotion, arrives to save us both. I fear she must be part sorceress, for she quickly subdued the monster by putting it to sleep. She releases me from its fearsome grasp.
I quickly take my leave, telling the Barbies “I Shall Return!” Hopeful that tomorrow… the land of Afterglow, and ‘The Mausoleum’.
To be continued…
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Previously… Day Trip to the Magic Island (Part 3)
Previously… Adjusting to New Surroundings (pt. 2)
Previously… The Arrival (pt. 1)
To learn more about Thor’s World Tour, and see where he’s been… THE GOD OF THUNDER IS TOURING THE WORLD
THOR’S WORLD TOUR… Day Trip to the Magical Isle
Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest…. Day trip to the Magical Isle
“Away, damn you Loki. Take Skidbladnir and begone! My beloved Sif, what has he done? Why is it always about the hair? Now yours is no more. My Wife! I want my wife! Oh Pink One, why do you keep me from her?” I am roused from a fitful sleep with a curt “Come on, we’re late for the red-eye!” I find out later, that being ‘late for the red-eye’ is a proud tradition on this island. The only ferry I want to be late for is the one on the Styx, but then I’m not Greek so I guess it won’t matter. We head for the sea in the human’s automobile. I have been in many on this road trip, and this is by far the finest, as there are no foul odors from the small humans and their pets. It is also neat, without the clutter of the white cups with green mermaids that seem to cover the floor of all the other’s automobiles. Like that woman in Southern California with the tiny odious boy-child who would not ‘bow down before me’. The worst adversary I have faced thus far… It was luck to escape with my life. ‘Bite Eyeball’, indeed!
The sun is rising and the beast comes into view. I stand ready to fend it off at the first sign of trouble, as it is as fearsomely ugly as assumed.
Into the belly of the beast we plunge. A strange rumbling ensues and we push-off into the sea, headed for Orcas Island.
I wave good-by to the human’s village in the harbor, with high hopes of finding a link to Asgard on the magical isle.
We approach the island and the time has come to find these nobel artists and lovers of the earth. Perhaps they will be of assistance in my quest.
While the human is busy, I take leave to explore. I find that the artists I meet are interested in selling their wares and no nothing of Asgard. All the friends of the earth I encounter are sputtering about organics and preoccupied in hugging trees… not at all what I expected. I head back and find myself on a road with alarming signs proclaiming No Trespassing! Do they not know I am the God of Thunder? I find myself taken captive and tied up with other prisoners.
“Have you been here long?” I say. “Oh yes. Many years, for us there is no hope. Save yourself Thor. What you seek is on the island you just left. You must find… The Mausoleum!” I thank the maiden with the once red hair and breaking my bonds with The Mighty Hammer! I go in search of my human friend to ask about this Mausoleum.
To be continued…
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Previously… Adjusting to New Surroundings (pt. 2)
Previously… The Arrival (pt. 1)
To learn more about Thor’s World Tour, and see where he’s been… THE GOD OF THUNDER IS TOURING THE WORLD
THOR’S WORLD TOUR… Adjusting to new surroundings
Thor encounters the dreaded Yoshi!
Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest… just freed from prison…
I breath in a deep lungful of fresh air, a relief from the scent of dainty perfumes that have hung so heavy in my cape. I detect a hint of ocean air, and I long for the sea again. My eyes encounter a dazzling array of color from every corner imaginable, in this seeming rural landscape.
I find that my iron prison is high from the ground, held high aloft on a post. I will have to descend with care, as my strength has been weakened by exposure to excessive amounts of polyurethane. It will be some time before my belt, Megingjörd, is able to regain full power. I espy a soft landing spot and jump!
I make it without harm and look for sanctuary while I garner the lay of the land. This is the first time I have been on my own, and not brought back into the world to the sight of leering eyes and painted lips bending over me. Impossible to escape their grasp until they tire of playing with me, and eventually ship me off to another one.
I immediately encounter a threat from a giant creature that I have to ward off with a blow from The Mighty Hammer… I am the God of Thunder! She goes back to sleep.
This place seems to be some kind of farm, as there are egg layers sequestered nearby, and I am hungry. I enter the enclosure with as much stealth as I can muster… but a “Cock-a-Doodle-Do” soon gives me away and I am beset with feather bearing monsters. I barely escape with my life, thanks to my Mighty Hammer!
Leaving the foul fowl behind, I enter a wood shop in search of a clue to my whereabouts. Jumping on a workbench I accidentally activate a switch putting me in harm’s way. I am saved once again, thanks to Mjölnir (TMH). Must make a note to send a check to Mr. DeWalt for the damage.
I come to a body of water and decide to go across. A nearby boat seems the answer, but a family named Noah is busy loading it with animals and say I am welcome to join them, but they are waiting for the flood and it might take some time to float their boat.
Not to be deterred, I take matters into my own hands and float across… no Princess Cruise, that’s for sure, but maybe that’s a good thing.
THOR!!! Someone calls my name. A handsome gentleman tells he is my host and welcomes me to his island. I tell him I am ‘The God of Thunder’, he says he knows that and invites me inside, to a table groaning under the weight of a sumptuous feast of garlic sausages, grilled chicken, ranch style beans and corn on the cob. Breads of all description and fresh fruits and beverages are a welcome sight. He is anxious to hear about my tour, but first has some distressing news… The Pink Haired Princess now has blue hair. Oh, My Magical Mistress… what hast thou done? ‘There must be a Witch involved’, is my first thought, then I remember she is a writer… and you know how they are. I ask when I can see her, as my heart is blue, and he says he will see what he can do, but I must finish the tour first before finally joining her. He invites me to go to a special island tomorrow full of artists and gentle people of the earth. I am hopeful to learn more about this place. I ask how we will get there, as I have not had much luck with water transportation of late. He assures me there is no problem, as we will be ensconced in a fine Swedish automobile and catching something called a red-eye ferry. ‘What new monster awaits’, I think to myself.
To be continued…
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Previously… The Arrival
To learn more about Thor’s World Tour, and see where he’s been… THE GOD OF THUNDER IS TOURING THE WORLD
THOR’S WORLD TOUR… The Arrival
Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest….
What have I done to deserve such a fate? How have I offended thee, O mighty Odin? I have been sent on a seemingly endless tour of giant horny housewives, fawning over me and subjecting me to the most degrading acts, dragging me around their villages to show off to their friends, and taking photo after photo with something called a phone. Thank the Gods for their children, they are nice and lots of fun to play with, they seem to understand me. But, those things they call ‘pets’ are everywhere, and to be avoided at all costs. I have seen a lot of interesting places though, and am amassing quite the postcard collection. If I ever get back home, I won’t be sharing with Loki, since I’m sure this trip through purgatory is his doing. The one bright spot of this whole affair, is that everywhere I am sent, the girl child’s seem to have an endless supply of beautiful princesses, just the perfect size. The curious thing, they all share the same name… Barbie. They are quite tiring, as they all want to play with my hammer, and sometimes there are 10 to 20 of them.
I was perfectly happy with my pink-locked mistress, waiting for a call to once again save the world. One day I found myself being wrapped into a strange substance. Quite soft and smelling faintly of toluene diisocyanate. A cardboard coffin awaited next, and as she shut the lid, I detected a rivulet of tears on the cheek of my beautiful maiden. A jostling trip ensued, and you can imagine my surprise, when released from my confinement I found myself in the possession of another giant female, also quite cute. She was very excited to see me.
I found this routine was to be repeated, seemingly endlessly… even to a place called Canada.
So, here I am, once again, bubble wrapped in another cardboard coffin. This time, not so tightly bound, I am able to swing my mighty hammer and break loose. I find myself in a semicircular shaped metal building. A large door is before me. Light streams in around the opening, which appears to be hinged at the bottom. With a blow from my mighty hammer it surrenders and falls open. Beautiful sunlight bursts inside, my eyes are treated to a wondrous sight… Have I found Paradise?
To be continued…
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To meet the ‘pink-locked maiden’ and see what in the hell this is all about… Debra Kristi and Thor’s World Tour
Our meeting in Hawaii with a Thor stand-in… not the real one on tour…
