Category Archives: HUMOR

THOR’S WORLD TOUR… Adjusting to new surroundings

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Thor encounters the dreaded Yoshi!

Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest… just freed from prison…

I breath in a deep lungful of fresh air, a relief from the scent of dainty perfumes that have hung so heavy in my cape.  I detect a hint of ocean air, and I long for the sea again.  My eyes encounter a dazzling array of color from every corner imaginable, in this seeming rural landscape.

I find that my iron prison is high from the ground, held high aloft on a post. I will have to descend with care, as my strength has been weakened by exposure to excessive amounts of polyurethane.   It will be some time before my belt, Megingjörd, is able to regain full power.  I espy a soft landing spot and jump!

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I make it without harm and look for sanctuary while I garner the lay of the land. This is the first time I have been on my own, and not brought back into the world to the sight of leering eyes and painted lips bending over me.  Impossible to escape their grasp until they tire of playing with me, and eventually ship me off to another one.

I immediately encounter a threat from a giant creature that I have to ward off  with a blow from The Mighty Hammer… I am the God of Thunder!  She goes back to sleep.

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This place seems to be some kind of farm, as there are egg layers sequestered nearby, and I am hungry.  I enter the enclosure with as much stealth as I can muster… but a “Cock-a-Doodle-Do” soon gives me away and I am beset with feather bearing monsters.  I barely escape with my life, thanks to my Mighty Hammer!

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Leaving the foul fowl behind, I enter a wood shop in search of a clue to my whereabouts.  Jumping on a workbench I accidentally activate a switch putting me in harm’s way.   I am saved once again, thanks to Mjölnir (TMH).  Must make a note to send a check to Mr. DeWalt for the damage.

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I come to a body of water and decide to go across.  A nearby boat seems the answer, but a family named Noah is busy loading it with animals and say I am welcome to join them, but they are waiting for the flood and it might take some time to float their boat.

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Not to be deterred, I take matters into my own hands and float across… no Princess Cruise, that’s for sure, but maybe that’s a good thing.

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THOR!!!  Someone calls my name.  A handsome gentleman tells he is my host and welcomes me to his island.  I tell him I am ‘The God of Thunder’, he says he knows that and invites me inside, to a table groaning under the weight of a sumptuous feast of garlic sausages, grilled chicken, ranch style beans and corn on the cob.  Breads of all description and fresh fruits and beverages are a welcome sight.  He is anxious to hear about my tour, but first has some distressing news… The Pink Haired Princess now has blue hair.  Oh, My Magical Mistress… what hast thou done?  ‘There must be a Witch involved’, is my first thought, then I remember she is a writer… and you know how they are.   I ask when I can see her, as my heart is blue, and he says he will see what he can do, but I must finish the tour first before finally joining her.  He invites me to go to a special island tomorrow full of artists and gentle people of the earth.  I am hopeful to learn more about this place.  I ask how we will get there, as I have not had much luck with water transportation of late.  He assures me there is no problem, as we will be ensconced in a fine Swedish automobile and catching something called a red-eye ferry.  ‘What new monster awaits’, I think to myself.

To be continued…

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Previously… The Arrival 

To learn more about Thor’s World Tour, and see where he’s been… THE GOD OF THUNDER IS TOURING THE WORLD

THOR’S WORLD TOUR

HEY… my comments were turned off before… because Thor craves attention… please leave a comment…

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thor

Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest….

What have I done to deserve such a fate?  How have I offended thee, O mighty Odin?  I have been sent on a seemingly endless tour of giant horny housewives, fawning over me and subjecting me to the most degrading acts, dragging me around their villages to show off to their friends, and taking photo after photo with something called a phone.  Thank the Gods for their children, they are nice and lots of fun to play with, they seem to understand me.   But, those things they call ‘pets’ are everywhere, and to be avoided at all costs.  I have seen a lot of interesting places though, and am amassing quite the postcard collection.  If I ever get back home, I won’t be sharing with Loki, since I’m sure this trip through purgatory is his doing. The one bright…

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THOR’S WORLD TOUR… The Arrival

thor

Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest….

What have I done to deserve such a fate?  How have I offended thee, O mighty Odin?  I have been sent on a seemingly endless tour of giant horny housewives, fawning over me and subjecting me to the most degrading acts, dragging me around their villages to show off to their friends, and taking photo after photo with something called a phone.  Thank the Gods for their children, they are nice and lots of fun to play with, they seem to understand me.   But, those things they call ‘pets’ are everywhere, and to be avoided at all costs.  I have seen a lot of interesting places though, and am amassing quite the postcard collection.  If I ever get back home, I won’t be sharing with Loki, since I’m sure this trip through purgatory is his doing. The one bright spot of this whole affair, is that everywhere I am sent, the girl child’s seem to have an endless supply of beautiful princesses, just the perfect size.  The curious thing, they all share the same name… Barbie.  They are quite tiring, as they all want to play with my hammer, and sometimes there are 10 to 20 of them.  

I was perfectly happy with my pink-locked mistress, waiting for a call to once again save the world.  One day I found myself being wrapped into a strange substance.  Quite soft and smelling faintly of toluene diisocyanate.  A cardboard coffin awaited next, and as she shut the lid, I detected a rivulet of tears on the cheek of my beautiful maiden.  A jostling trip ensued, and you can imagine my surprise, when released from my confinement I found myself in the possession of another giant female, also quite cute.  She was very excited to see me.  

I found this routine was to be repeated, seemingly endlessly… even to a place called Canada.

So, here I am, once again, bubble wrapped in another cardboard coffin.  This time, not so tightly bound, I am able to swing my mighty hammer and break loose.  I find myself in a semicircular  shaped metal building.  A large door is before me.  Light streams in around the opening, which appears to be hinged at the bottom.  With a blow from my mighty hammer it surrenders and falls open.  Beautiful sunlight bursts inside, my eyes are treated to a wondrous sight… Have I  found Paradise?

To be continued…

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To meet the ‘pink-locked maiden’ and see what in the hell this is all about… Debra Kristi and Thor’s World Tour

Our meeting in Hawaii with a Thor stand-in... not the one on tour...

Our meeting in Hawaii with a Thor stand-in… not the real one on tour…

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