Like A Top

amusement-park-jhardy

Like A Top… a Drabble for FriFic

You are watching from your window, peering thru the slats of your blinds, you don’t like to appear nosy. She is in the neighbor’s yard, just spinning around. Looking up at the sun and spinning, arms raised upwards. She looks joyous.

“Who’s that little girl, have you seen her before?” you ask yourself, just curious, you don’t think they have kids.

She looks so thin, frail almost, her clothes are filthy, hair unkempt. From the doorway, the neighbors rush out and start shaking her. The man drags her to the house, the woman looks around.

You reach for the phone.

***********************************

friday-fictioneers

Love the photo by J Hardy Carroll, as I do love carnivals and fairs, but my story took a different direction as I thought of a recent story in the news.  To see more of Friday Fictioneers’ writings click on the frog…

32 responses

  1. Very appropriate to recent news

  2. So many people spending too much time with their heads locked into their electronic devices and becoming oblivious to their surroundings. What a sad world we live in.

  3. immediately bells went off in my head, oy

  4. A topical take on a shocking story.

  5. You’ve imagined the scene so vividly that we can see it too. I’m glad your story will lead to the little girl’s freedom.

  6. Too close to recent news out of California.

  7. Well done. I’m glad they called for help. Too many times people don’t want to get involved. Nicely written. :o)

  8. Dear Ted,

    This is a heart-breaker, particularly in light of the news out of California. 😦 Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Hey! I didn’t have to lure you in by purloining one of your photos. 😉 Bonus!

  9. I’m glad they reached for the phone!

  10. Well written and suspenseful. Now we need to hear the rest! Hope the police can discover what’s going on.

  11. This one really hits home after the events in California. Scary stuff.

  12. So topical, and so well-told.

  13. Frighteningly topical.

  14. As Sandra said: frighteningly topical! Well written and very poignant.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

  15. Oh excellent story! Brings the recent news to life.

  16. Yeah, this type of thing is in the news. Good on the MC for calling the police in this!

  17. Emotionally involving from the first words, Ted. You have really hit a nerve here. So many great comments! X

  18. At least she didn’t stand by and do nothing…

  19. I’m glad that there was someone there to raise the alarm… not really what happens in real life.

  20. This story could be a PSA – Public Service Announcement. Well done.

  21. Topical given the discovery in the Sates this week. I hope “you” notify the authorities.

  22. Just reread and saw she had phone in hand. I got caught up in the horror of what happens in some children’s lives.

  23. Hi Ted,
    Kudos to you! Despite your subtlety, your readers were able to draw conclusions from your writing. I am also sickened by the recent events in California. You never mentioned them yet your readers could read between the lines due to your expert writing.
    Susie sent me! Maybe you can check out my blog if you need any blogging tips. I write about how bloggers can be more successful. I also have blog parties like Susie.
    Janice

  24. So well done, the view of innocence turned to one needing intervention.

  25. Very topical. I kept expecting to find a story written about carnies, but haven’t found one yet. Perhaps that route was too obvious.

  26. Creepy story especially given recent events. I think this person is doing the right thing to call the authorities.

  27. So much of this in the news these days, it’s up to us to be vigilant.

  28. So joyous at first, until the foreboding brought by the awful story in the news and your foreshadowing second paragraph. Thank goodness your character picked up the phone.

  29. I’d reach for the phone also. The first thing many of us think about is probably, Where were the neighbors? This was an up-to-date story, Ted. Good writing. —- Suzanne

  30. Chilling, especially in light of recent news. The image of the girl spinning round joyously in the sunshine takes on such a different meaning as the story unfolds – very well told

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