Somewhere on a small island in the Great Pacific Northwest….
What have I done to deserve such a fate? How have I offended thee, O mighty Odin? I have been sent on a seemingly endless tour of giant horny housewives, fawning over me and subjecting me to the most degrading acts, dragging me around their villages to show off to their friends, and taking photo after photo with something called a phone. Thank the Gods for their children, they are nice and lots of fun to play with, they seem to understand me. But, those things they call ‘pets’ are everywhere, and to be avoided at all costs. I have seen a lot of interesting places though, and am amassing quite the postcard collection. If I ever get back home, I won’t be sharing with Loki, since I’m sure this trip through purgatory is his doing. The one bright spot of this whole affair, is that everywhere I am sent, the girl child’s seem to have an endless supply of beautiful princesses, just the perfect size. The curious thing, they all share the same name… Barbie. They are quite tiring, as they all want to play with my hammer, and sometimes there are 10 to 20 of them.
I was perfectly happy with my pink-locked mistress, waiting for a call to once again save the world. One day I found myself being wrapped into a strange substance. Quite soft and smelling faintly of toluene diisocyanate. A cardboard coffin awaited next, and as she shut the lid, I detected a rivulet of tears on the cheek of my beautiful maiden. A jostling trip ensued, and you can imagine my surprise, when released from my confinement I found myself in the possession of another giant female, also quite cute. She was very excited to see me.
I found this routine was to be repeated, seemingly endlessly… even to a place called Canada.
So, here I am, once again, bubble wrapped in another cardboard coffin. This time, not so tightly bound, I am able to swing my mighty hammer and break loose. I find myself in a semicircular shaped metal building. A large door is before me. Light streams in around the opening, which appears to be hinged at the bottom. With a blow from my mighty hammer it surrenders and falls open. Beautiful sunlight bursts inside, my eyes are treated to a wondrous sight… Have I found Paradise?
To be continued…
To meet the ‘pink-locked maiden’ and see what in the hell this is all about… Debra Kristi and Thor’s World Tour