Friday Fictioneers… FORBIDDEN LOVE

100 Word Flash Fiction

copyright-renee-homan-heath

One last lingering kiss.

A union forbidden by centuries old taboo. But, will love conquer all? We think not. See those eyes watching through the fronds?

It had been a glorious few days, despite their constant worry. They had been careful though, and true love had blossomed from lust. They hoped to unite, not only themselves but their people. It was time to return, and as he headed to the outrigger, he took one last look at her lithe figure disappearing into the palms to her family home.

The eyes followed her… it was many months before he heard the news.

******************

Rochelle sent all The Fictioneers a beautiful photo that Renee Heath, at Rendezvous With Renee, took at her daughter’s wedding.  It is such a beautiful wedding aisle, I wonder who or what will be walking down it today, after the Friday Fictioneers get their hands on it.  They can be a blood thirsty lot.  If you want to know more about 100 Word Flash Fiction and  The Friday Fictioneers  go see Rochelle and join in with your story.  To see Renee and other’s stories go here… 

85 responses

  1. “We think not.” Yes. I like this small link to those greedy eyes.

    1. I like that kind of think in stories… trying different styles. Thanks

  2. Love denied I think. Nice story. 🙂

    1. Yes… thanks, Jackie.

  3. Dear Ted,
    A sweet story well told with tenderness.
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  4. Wow, you look just like another Ted I know! Remember what I said before!!

    janet
    P.S. Enjoyed the story.

    1. Hope I’m forgiven…

      1. I’m sending you incense and peppermint, instead of being incensed… and never meant (it.) 🙂 All is forgiven.

      2. Oh, Thank God! I’ll send you a Boz Scaggs record…

  5. Love those eyes watching through the fronds and how everything isn’t always as it seems.

    1. They never knew… thanks, Sheila.

  6. This is really good writing!

  7. Oh, such a sad ending to a tale of love. But so typical of human prejudice. A tale told with deep feeling and desire. Well done, Ted!

    1. Thank you,Jan. I appreciate your kind words.

  8. sad end to a love story..evil wins in the end..a story well written

    1. Unfortunately that seems to be the case in the world. Thanks.

  9. ah-star crossed lovers

  10. Very nice work Ted!
    Loved your writing in this one. Poetic and dream-like.
    Very good! In fact, ) feel it’s one of your finest writings.

    1. Really? Thank you, P.

      1. In my humble opinion.

      2. Your ‘humble’ opinion means a lot to me.

  11. ted this is wonderful! ^^ and though the ending’s tragic, i wouldn’t have it any other way

  12. Oh Brutal! What happens? So many options you left my mind to ponder! Love it.

    1. Up to you Gretchen, thanks…

  13. Uhh.. Heart-breaking for the two in love.. Some love stories never see the light of day, I guess.. Nicely written.
    I laughed reading the stanza after the story where you mention the Friday Fictioneers as a blood thirsty lot. Sounds like Vampires on the prowl to rip the pic apart with their words! 🙂

    1. Hah… thanks. Idyllic photos in the hands of this group can turn into all types of mayhem it seems. Thank you for the compliment.

  14. Ted, a scary alternative end to Romeo and Juliette, the shivers I felt was not from the cold weather.

    1. That was in my mind… glad you felt the fright, Björn…

  15. Good rendition here and poetic…pray, what happened in the end, what news did he hear?

    1. Not good, Cee… But the Muse’s comment below had a better ending.

  16. Hola Ted, buenos días.
    Agradecida por pasar por mi blog.
    Te deseo un hermoso fin de semana.

  17. This sounds like heartbreak on the way. Nice one Ted, great hook.

    1. Thank you, Sandra, I’m glad you liked it.

  18. Beautiful and sad. I wish I’d read this first. I just read your other one and I have that cheater post stuck in my head. You stinker. It was funny, though. 😀

    1. Ha, I couldn’t resist… thanks Debra…

  19. A heart rending tale. I love the way you made a beautiful photo creepy by adding eyes in the undergrowth!

  20. I’m guessing there was something like a sacrifice to a volcano god, or some other grisly retribution by her people. Yes, I know it can’t be included in the story but, ummm, what did they do to her?

    1. They killed her… but better… see the Muse below… their suffering would be worse.

  21. I wonder if in the end she died or if she was forced to marry another, perhaps as a second wife. It always is so contingent on the culture itself….

    1. I hadn’t thought of being forced to marry another… that’s even better than what I had planned…

  22. Also, I almost forgot to mention this: “A forbidden union by centuries old taboo. But, will love conquer all? We think not. See those eyes watching through the fronds?” I’m not so sure about this fourth wall break. It’s not the exposition dumps are always a bad thing but the why it’s done reminded me of the narrator in a comic book.

    1. Comic Book!!! I was going more Rod Serling… thanks…

      1. Ah, Twilight zone introduction! Interesting. I hadn’t even thought of that angle.

  23. you had me at “forbidden.” you kept me at “palms.” well done.

  24. Ooohhh I want to know more. 🙂

    1. Well, it wasn’t exactly like the time you walked the path! Thanks for the photo, Renee.

      1. Not it wasn’t but love stories, forbidden or not always get to me. I’m a different sort though. Don’t give me schmaltz. Give me real tragedy and deliverance along with love. And for God’s sake don’t make the woman a simpering idiot. I’ve been that girl too many times in my life, I will not have my heroine act like that.

  25. Very nice; I like that you flashed between 3rd person and omniscient POVs to tell a bigger story. It gave an “epic” quality to your tale.

    1. Wow… “epic”… I like that. Thank you Dawn… where is your story?

      1. I still haven’t heard back from the agent. Got a new story idea yesterday… kind of not in a genre I usually do… might need CC’s help 😉

      2. Oh Dear God… Erotica! I hear Penthouse Letters is buying…

  26. Secret love no more. Forever love no more. Looking for your writing on Friday Fictioneers I hope to be evermore. Very good addition to the fold Ted.

    1. Thanks, Joe… that was nice poetry!

  27. Uniting people is never any easy task…..A little dark tale from ted. Nice job!

    1. ‘Little Dark Tale from Ted’… I like that! Thanks, Tom.

  28. Ooh, another story of menace and death. The fictioneers just can’t write a happy story about a pretty beach, can we?! I like the depth of this one, and how much you manage to tell us without saying it.
    A tiny critique for you, if I may – “A forbidden union by centuries old taboo”. This sentence pulled me up short, because of the word order. A union forbidden by… would make more sense, because forbidden would be a verb (matching the preposition “by”) rather than an adjective (leaving “by” hanging). Of course, you may have done this as a style deciison in which case ignore me. Or just ignore me anyway!!!

    1. You are quite right, Jen. It does make more sense. Thanks for the grammar lesson… and from a Canadian Brit no less… I’ll make the change.

  29. Hey Ted,
    But how do I know this is your REAL story?
    A polynesian Romeo and Juliet story? Wild. Now I’m really convinced that coffee is spiked with LSD. Wouldn’t it make more sense to kill him? Of course Shakespeare killed them both off, so . . . Ron

    1. Well… I would have loved to have finished the Rochelle story. It was her peeps that dispatched her… If they killed him, that would have led to war, I’m thinking.

  30. Excellent balance of joy and tension, hope and disaster. You should make this a bigger story.

    1. Thank you Sandra. I wouldn’t know what to with more than 100 words.

  31. A bit of a downer, but a very well told downer. Nice work

    1. Thanks for the compliment, H.L.

  32. I liked the questions at the beginning, bringing the reader to wonder.

    1. My best Rod Serling impersonation. Thanks!

  33. I like it! Romance. Suspense. Understated terror. Probable tragedy. All the makings of a great story.

    1. Thanks, Keli… that is nice to hear.

  34. I really liked the alternation of watcher and lovers, the zig zag between threat and love story. Very nicely done, Ted!

  35. Gee–you could have let love conquer all and unite the tribes for a happily-ever-after-ending. More realistic your way, I guess–good story.

  36. He should have stayed at lust. That “love” part will get you in trouble every time. Remember all those Bonanza episodes where a woman would fall in love with one of the Cartwrights? It was the kiss of death every time.

  37. He should have whisked her off in the outrigger whilst he had her. Nice (sad) story.

    1. He really should have, but family (tribal?) ties were still too strong… thanks, Calire.

  38. I like the eyes in the fronds. I’m guessing things ended badly for her in the end. Such is the case with forbidden love. Nice one!

  39. Tragic. I suppose on a small island, there isn’t much to do except watch what the neighbors are up to – and gossip about it. Maybe it would have turned out better if she sailed away with him! Too late now, though – I wonder if he took revenge?

    1. Hadn’t thought that far, Sharon.

  40. those old taboos, phooey…and those stalking eyes…so, so sad. great story! loved it. ❤

  41. Menacing tale well told. I had to look closely to see if you’d manipulated some eyes into the photo. Not finding them didn’t calm my nerves…

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