Fiction Relay – 4

I was recently invited to take part in a Fiction Relay, by The Reclining Gentleman.  I had come across a chapter on my friend Chantel C’s  blog, and liking these sorts of things… (One of my favorite books is Naked Came the Manatee.  The first chapter was written by Dave Barry and the last by Carl Hiaasen, with eleven mystery writers in  between, each inserting their own hero into the story.  It was pretty wild.  But I digress)… CC had written part 2, so I clicked on part 1 to see how it started.  I had seen The Reclining Gentleman’s avatar (silhouette of a reclining gentleman) before, maybe you have too, and even read a few of his posts, first on Madison Woods’ Friday Fictioneers, I think.  I complimented him on the relay idea, and his story, which brought about an invite to take part.  After the usual “I’m not really a writer” BS, I decided to try it… and accepted.  While I patiently waited, Delilah finished part 3.  Here is my part of the ongoing story.  You might want to first read the 3 chapters before mine, links at the bottom of the page… feel free to join in… I don’t think TRG will mind, drop him a line.

*******

“What the Hell!” Startled from his rumination, the cigarette flew from Gino’s lips, creating an arc of sparks and ash across the stained tile. He ground it out, sending a glare at the new waitress.

Melissa caught Suzi, to save herself, wondering how Sam had rattled her so quickly.

“Who is this guy?” hissed Suzi.

Melissa uncoiled herself with pats and straightens. “Oh Hon, you’ll get to know him soon enough.”

“But, he knows me, he knows all about me. What does he want?” With hardening face, Melissa told her to fill another cup and finish her tables.

The booth by the window was empty.

After wiping the tables and refilling her station, Suzi got to experience the highlight of servers everywhere… counting tips. ‘This might not be such a bad job after all’ she thought, pocketing her day’s take. For a coffee shop, they added up. ‘Too bad Sam took up a booth all day. What was his deal, anyway?’

Melissa gave her a good-bye peck, “See you in the morning, and don’t you worry about Sam.” Gino just shot a black look, from behind the pass thru.

 
It was gray out, rain threatening, as Suzi scurried thru the early after work crowd, heading to her subway. It had been a busy day, she should have been exhausted, but her mind was full of questions, fueling an epinephrine release. Wanting to be home in her apartment behind a locked door, Suzi didn’t mind admitting, she was shaken by this Sam guy. Thoughts pounded her brain. ‘They told her she’d be safe coming to a big city, blend in, disappear. So, how does he know her, and what is her special ability? There is no possible way he could know about the Gold Club.’

She picked up a ‘Lean Cuisine’… Butternut Squash Ravioli… for later. Not as good as Gino’s cooking, but it will do, her Microwave du Jour. On top of the ‘Sam Thing’, Suzi could not figure out what she had done to offend the cook. She had been pleasant, complimenting him on his dishes, even tried to flirt a little. Maybe that’s how he treats the new girls. Another question for Melissa.  And, after the Sam one, and The Gino one, comes The Uniform One. Thank God she didn’t have to wear it home. She knew it was a diner, but it wasn’t Mel’s Diner for Christ’s sake.  Rocky Road ice cream for dessert… she deserved a  treat tonight.

A guy, in a battered Panama hat outside the market, seemed to be staring at her. She thought she had seen him on the other side of the street, walking even with her, and thought, ‘you don’t see that kind of hat too much in the big city’. He looked away quickly, and when she exited, he was gone. Laughing it off, ‘I must be getting paranoid, Sam’s henchmen are everywhere’.

The entrance to the subway couldn’t come soon enough… to disappear in the depths with the crowd. Descending the stairs to the platforms below, she scanned her pass and pushed thru the turnstile. Her red hair slapping her face as a train whooshed into the station. Still a thrill, taking the train, nothing like that in Florida. It was then that she saw him.

To be continued…

Fiction Relay -Part One        by The Reclining Gentleman

Fiction Relay- Part Two        by Discovery

Fiction Relay- Part Three     by Woman Who Writes Stuff

Dawn will write Part Five

21 responses

  1. Dear Ted,

    The redhead on the subway….I’ll be watching for more. You put this together nicely.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    1. Thank you, Doug… see you in Nov… have my lei ready… Aloha yourself…

  2. First it was September, then October, now it’s November…. I can’t keep buying leis:)

    Keep me posted. (No blogging pun intended.)

    aloha,

    Doug

    1. Bought the tickets… Oahu on the 2nd… I’ll come over to see you and a friend in Volcano…

    2. Oh yeah… ha ha on the blogging pun… glad you liked my story… first time I’ve done something like this…

    1. I appreciate that, Aggie. Read the story to Mama Bear…

  3. Great job on your part. Added a lot of depth to Suzi and the story. 🙂

    1. thanks, cc… this is all your fault you know… maybe when it comes back to you, Suzi will get her clothes off…

      1. I’m to blame? Okay, I’ll take credit. Nah, this story’s to sweet for Suzi to get naked.

  4. i love how this has gone very film noir. fascinating to see how each author sees the same story, that’s exactly why i started this, to see where it goes. bit like chinese whispers.

    1. glad you approve… parents can be protective… thanks

  5. Absolutely giddy with delight! “i’m not a writer” WHATEVER! I loved this.

  6. no, really… btw, you gave me an idea for my part of the story… can you guess?

  7. I like this: “A guy, in a battered Panama hat outside the market, seemed to be staring at her. She thought she had seen him on the other side of the street, walking even with her, and thought, ‘you don’t see that kind of hat too much in the big city.’”

    And I’m glad that you think I can write. 😉 Thank for visiting my place today. More writing to come. From both of us.

  8. I agree with Delilah. I really enjoyed this. Now I need to go and read the whole story. Dang. You went and got me hooked. See what you did?

  9. And I agree with Delilah and Debra…..hooked….good job Ted!! I love the idea of the relay…..look forward to seeing where this is going!!

    1. Thanks Jill, for reading. Now I have to wait for my turn again… we’ll have to see what happens to Suzi…

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