Flash Fiction Faction: I CAN’T FIND IT!!!

   The following story was inspired by Quill Shiv‘s Flash Fiction Faction prompt:

Oh dear. What happened to the train?

“Has he called it in yet?”
“No, and I’m starting to worry. Not like him to be this late letting us know the number.”
“Be sure to have them meet him at the station. I don’t want anything to delay the delivery.”

I know I’ve just been down this street. Nothing is looking right. God, I have to hurry.  They can’t move a train, can they?

“Anything yet?”
“No.”
“I told him it was not safe to miss the train.”

I should call them!   Oh…  I forgot the number!  I know it’s in this phone somewhere.   How do I bring it up.  Maybe this will work.  Who are these people?  I don’t recognize any of…

“Finally! I’m putting him on speaker. Was that a cry?”
“I heard it too.”

This is my third attempt at fiction.  I had not planned to write on this prompt… I guess I wasn’t prompted.  But then, yesterday I awoke at 4:30 and had this story in my mind.  I don’t think I dreamt it, just thought about it when I woke up.  I think I was inspired by all those waiter and actor dreams where you are trying to find something, like the table you are supposed to be waiting on, and you keep getting more desperate.  I got up and wrote what I thought was a pretty good story, and then… I erased it by mistake.  I could not get it back, and try as I might, I could not recreate the same mood.  Tonight when I saw Rinn’s story (that’s Quill… some Pen Name, huh?), and stories others had written, I really wished I had mine.  So here it is.   A little different maybe, but I like it.  

13 responses

  1. Way cool. Flash fiction is great practice. For something this short though, with so much dialog I think it would have helped to make the different voices very distinct. Maybe one of the characters have a bit of dialect. Just would add some color I think.

    1. Thanks, William. I did wonder about that, but couldn’t figure how to do it. I didn’t want to use names. The dialect is a good idea to remember for next time.

  2. I was so worried about the character. The cry at the end made me think he was going to die. And I hate when stories get erased. You can never get back the mojo. I always feel so sad when I lose it. Nice attempt. 🙂

    1. I almost died when I lost the first one… I had spent so much time on it and really thought it was pretty good. No, you can’t get back the Mojo.

  3. This was a brilliant idea – a dialogue and a monologue running at the same time. Loved it. Really good – if this isn’t as good as the first one you lost, that one must have been utterly terrific! Well done.

    1. Thank you Sandra… you vocalized what I was thinking.

  4. Good story Ted, I hope you have a great weekend Ted, take care ♥

    1. You too, Aggie. Say hi to Windy and the City for me.

  5. This structure is great, Ted. Very creative.

  6. Ted! I really like your story. It has just enough mystery to make one read faster.
    Good job! You write fiction well.

    http://swthink.blogspot.com/2012/04/aunt-ellie-and-mrs-barris.html

  7. Fun! Where does it go from there? Do you even know or did it stop in your head, to be worked on later? “Who are these people?” I’ve thought that sometimes when looking at my “smart” phone – merging all my FB and twitter contacts into my address book. LOL. It’s a wonder I find anyone.

  8. I really enjoyed this one, Ted! And it’s funny, sometimes the prompts that are the least inspiring at first glance turn out to be the ones that draw out some amazing prose. At least, that’s how it turns out for me. 🙂

  9. Oh man, waiter dreams. Those plagued me for so many years- oh no, I’m in the weeds AGAIN!!

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