FLASH FICTION FACTION… ‘Little Pan Dora’

She was just a girl, but she had managed to break the magician’s code. As she entered the cinderblock building, Pan almost choked on the bile produced, not only by the smell, but the fear that was beading the sweat on her forehead. She knew her job, now she just needed to find the container. They had said it was in the shape of a bucket, that she should not open it. Barely seeing, more like feeling, Pan searched. It would have been nice to have had a torch, but then batteries cost a lot these days.

It was hard to concentrate, with one ear looking toward the door, the other searching the room for any sense of movement. The floor was greasy and made for slippery going, but at last she found a stack of what felt like buckets. Just one was needed, she was surprised at how easily it lifted.

Once outside, after adjusting for sunlight and checking for any eyes that might be about, she examined her catch. Yes, a dirty blue, as described, with just a swish of liquid inside. The others had been as easy to heft, so she had assumed they were all the same… this wasn’t just an empty bucket.

But then, her little-girlness got the better of her, and Pan had to look. Carefully prying the lid, she was almost knocked over by the giant spider shooting up through the crack at the edge. Like a Whirling Dervish, it started rising in the air, trailing a thick web behind. The web grew so fast it finally was like a huge blimp tethered to the ground, and when the screaming inside started, she ran as fast as she could… wondering what she would tell her bosses.  

Another photo prompt… this one for Flash Fiction Faction, by Quill Shiv.   Thought I’d at least give some fiction a try.  This is what I made up after looking at the photo.  I can’t think of a title.  I now have a title… thanks to a kind comment by Quill… it helps to know a real writer, and I am shamelessly using her quote.
And this is what started this fiction madness… maybe you would like to try…
http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/03/04/342012-flash-fiction-faction-prompt/

30 responses

  1. Congrats on your willingness to try something new.

    1. Damn… you are fast!!! Thanks Diane… you too have caused me to try ‘something new’, and have inspired a bit of my writing…

  2. This is a very compelling tale. The movement progression through the story is well-done! You may want to go through it and check some words for homonyms, however.

    Besides that, I love this story of a “Little Pan Dora” Hee.

    1. Thanks Quill. Homonyms, hmmm… will do. It’s amazing how long that took. Love ‘Little Pan Dora’… that would make a good title… maybe I will have to change he to a she.

      1. I only found 1 homonym…but, you were plural. I had to look it up homonym to make sure I remembered right. Thanks for the help, as I do not want to appear clueless… I will have to have my granddaughter proofread I guess. As you can see, Q… I now have a title… ❤

  3. Cool Pic Ted, nice going ♥

    1. Thanks, Aggie… that actually is a spider web tree. I thought it was an oil fire plume of smoke.

      1. Unreal Ted, It looks like a smoke cloud, that makes it even cooler

  4. Loved the story Ted, but I think it should have been a little boy. While reading this I thought about what you might have been like as a youngster. 😆

    1. Very funny Betty. Actually true. She was a little boy when I first wrote it.

  5. A tale that drew me in. The image of the screaming inside the web really blew me away. Did you mean to say ‘with one ear looking toward the door and the other …’ If so, it was a real attention grabber, creating some great images there too! Nice one.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/the-dreamweavers/

    1. Thank you, Sandra. I did mean that, as I was imagining how many things were going through her mind while searching.

  6. Yes…captivating…..I want to know more……but I like the little girl part…..adventurous tomboy…..and who are the bosses….and what was the job and why…..opening the imagination…..Love it Ted….keep going!!!

    1. Thank you, Jill… ❤

  7. Hey Ted, did you forget about that facebook matter again, well, here’s a reminder 🙄

    1. Did not forget… check your page…

  8. Loved the atmosphere, you drew me right in there with Pan.

    1. Thank you, Judee…

  9. This was amazing. I especially loved the reference to Pandora’s Box. Superb.

    mine’s here: http://threedescriptors.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/flash-fiction-15-the-invasion/

    1. Pandora’s Box was all Quill Shiv… and I’m grateful for that. I loved yours… nice to meet you miq!

  10. Damn, that ending took me by surprise, and was creepy as hell to boot. Arachnid zeppelins. Now there’s a concept to chill the blood. The part where Pan was looking for the bucket, finding her way by sound and touch, was very well done. Using language associated with sight to emphasize just how crucial hearing is in that environment somehow makes the scene feel very real. An off-the-wall choice, but it works.

    PS: Sorry for taking so long to get to your blog!

  11. Thank you, Jake. I appreciate your take and the kind words. It gives me a will to try again.

  12. I loved your story. Good play on Pandora’s Box and her curiosity by naming the girl Pan. Would love to know where this story goes. Well done!

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

  13. […] FLASH FICTION FACTION… ‘Little Pan Dora’ (tedstrutz.com) […]

  14. Loved it! I want to be able to write like that! I thought the play on Pandora’s Box a very original idea. One complaint…I would dearly like to know what happens next! Hope you finish this Ted

    1. Thanks for the kind words… this was my first try at something fictional. I have to give all credit for Pandora’s Box to Quill.

  15. Reblogged this on TedBook and commented:

    IT’S BEEN 1 YEAR SINCE I WROTE MY FIRST FICTION PIECE… HERE IT IS…

  16. That’s what curiosity will get ya.

  17. Um, how do I say this? Ted, this is spectacular! Seriously, if you ever decide to do a recurring character, make it PAN!!!!! I love this little girl!!! You’ve made her world so real, her character so enchanting. I would totally keep reading. And I love that her name is Pan, even without the Pandora reference. I’m picturing this petite, impish, genius of a little girl… and Pan is the perfect name for her. Seriously, do something more with Pan or Angelique will cry!

    1. Well. I guess we can’t have Angelique crying, she has enough on her plate. Thank you for your kind words. I was kind of surprised at what I wrote, and I don’t know where it came from really. I had written a couple of prompts for Fri Fic, and they were kind of memoirsish… not really fiction, and I thought I’d try. It is hard to do… publicly at least. I’ve always had a fondness for this story and was looking to show my friend and saw it had been a year. I will bring her back… but not to meet Angelique.

      I would suggest anyone reading this, go meet Angelique… you will love her as much as I do. waitingforaname is her author.

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